"I would like to be Christ, Mohammed, Buddha... but not have to believe in God..."

Today's Title: Nine

So tonight I was thinking while plucking my eyebrows (of all things) and randomly arrived at something we discussed in my religious studies class. We read an article on Islam and a certain focus they had on the "secret heart". It has to do with the idea that who a person is can be found in the secrets that they do not tell rather than those that they do. It seemed like something obvious to me at first, that this could be easily defended. The more I think about it, though, the more I seem to understand.

So, for reference, this train of thought sprung from driving home from seeing Sherlock Holmes with Sara for the second time and our conversation turning (via convoluted roads, mostly involving New Year's Eve) to the "Never have I ever..." game. This, bouncing off of a very angsty post that aired on my blog for all of ten minutes before I became self conscious and took it down, to bring me to this rant.

Anywho, so I got to thinking about the things I leave unsaid and what they say about me, and I realized that they say a lot. Maybe I was wrong to jump to my emotional conclusions made in my angst blog about how I am out of the loop with all my friends and the things that they do. I thought about all the things that float around in my head that I don't say and I wonder what people think of me. Am I as distant as I fear? Perhaps that's just what I do.

Despite how tragically this post sounds, I'm actually quite content at the moment. I was thinking even before the movie about all the things that make me who I am (of course then I was focusing on the outward things as expressed in my room). It kind of gives me a happy feeling. Even if I am deluding myself by thinking of myself one way and portraying myself in another, I think that's a good thing. I like who I am. Strange, but true.

The funny bit is every time I try to share things that are "secret" about me, I never actually do. Like when everyone was doing that 100 things about me thing on facebook. I had a good 60 up, but I never posted it. Then there was angst blog, but I'm trying to forget that exists.

'Til next time.

"I want to be young, and I want to be Old.
I would like to be wise before my time
And yet be foolish and brash and bold...

And you know I mean it with all of my Heart.
It's the end if something important
Doesn't start."