Title: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (even though its not actually a musical, it fit the mood)
So, I give up. I give up trying to talk to my parents. I give up pretending that I'm not counting the days until I can leave. I give up forgiving and forgetting.
They want elitist. Fine.
I don't say anything and they put words into my mouth. Suddenly I think I'm above them. Lie. I think they are stupid. Lie.
I just think that they do stupid things for stupid reasons that I cannot fathom.
Everytime they assume, I end up being the one who is a spoiled elitist, or something on those lines. So, I give up.
I don't want to go to family therapy and spend an hour (or two or whatever) going through the same shit at in front of a therapist that we do at home. Dunno about everyone else in this house, but I don't forsee anything being accomplished.
I can't talk to people, I swear. It makes me uncomfortable. So, I'm sorry if this is the impression that everyone gets of me. I don't mean it. I guess maybe I should just stop talking entirely...then they'd have nothing to go off of. I wouldn't say the things that make them mad if they didn't make me. Can't I just be? I'm happier when left alone.
Too much school. Too much home. Nowhere is sacred anymore. Hell if I know where to go or what to do. Cut me some slack, I'm only 17.
Sorry I don't have their infinite wisdom that leads them into a self-destructive pattern of getting drunk or stoned to escape the real world. And if thinking that those things are terrible excuses for anything at all makes me elitist, then so be it.
Have they lost my respect? Some. Sorry for thinking highly of my parents. Sorry for beliving the cock-and-bull lies that they were better than the stoners and washouts of society. Sorry for being more than a little dissallusioned (don't care about spelling right now) when this idea came chrashing down. I know they're not perfect, but is it wrong to hope for something above the norm?
So, that's why I give up. Count down. 10 months to go. Then I'm free.
I don't know what else to do.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Listen close to everybody's hearts, and hear that breaking sound
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2 comments:
I think whether we admit it fully or not we are all counting down till we get to leave the AV.
If it is any consolation you can always come hang out here if you'd like, we never hang out anymore, but my chaos is a little more tolerable than not.
But yeah, in case you didn't know, I read your blog since well, you are a very private person and I respect that.
As usual, I'm here when you need me.
-Nikki
I'm sorry your parents are being so off lately. I can tell they are too, and it sucks because I remember when my parents were like that too :( The only function of therapists is to let people pretend that everything is fixed and sound long enough to actually get the problem resolved, if it even can be, which usually it can't. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but you're right, just a few more months and we're all out of here, and its worth it to hold on for that. Until then, though, you always have Nikki and I and Circle as your family-away-from-family and your home-away-from-home :) Just ask and I'm there for love and the like :D
LOVE!
And hang in there, mate :)
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